Years ago, I used to run work/life balance workshops for many large organisations – it was something that I truly believed in. It was my soapbox for many years. I could rattle off all the statistics as to why it was important; give you worksheets to show you how to do it properly, and hound you relentlessly if you didn’t do it the way research (and I) said it should be done.

That was until I realised that work/life balance was a total crock! The notion of work/life balance and all its ramifications was designed to make us feel more guilty than we needed to.

And I have been reminded of this issue over the past few weeks when working with my mentor clients, and again during lunch today with my colleague. My clients are shocked when I tell them that work/life balance is really just a marketing tool and nothing more. My lunch date was on the same page as me, and agreed totally. So there we were having a great conversation about what the concept of work/life balance meant for each of us.

We started with this; Is there such a thing as work/life balance, and what if instead, we looked at it as simply balance – nothing more and nothing less? And that you were able to define what this meant for you and only you. How does that feel?

For me, balance is feeling contented at the end of the day, knowing that I’ve done the best I can for myself, my family, and my clients. To me , it means that it’s okay when I need to work twelve hour days to finish off a campaign. It means that the three hours I might do on a Saturday morning, is fine. And the reason it is fine, is because I will balance it out at the other end making sure I take the time out to connect with my family – this could be as simple as finishing early on some days, or heading away for a long weekend.

For Jen, it means that when she doesn’t finish a meeting with clients until after 7pm on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, she is able to balance this out by finishing early on Thursday or Friday and picking the kids up from school and focusing solely on them for a few hours. She has the support of her family, keeps them updated on what she is doing, and checks in regularly with how her children feel when Mum may not be there for dinner. Jen has learnt not to feel guilty about creating the life she wants for herself, because as she said: “I’m a happier wife and mother, when I'm able to create my own life balance.”

What does it mean for you? Are you able to create a balanced lifestyle based on your terms or do the well meaning people in your life make you feel guilty for doing what is right for you?

Feel free to send me through your thoughts on balance, and what it means to you. Tweet

The phone rang at 4.30 last Monday afternoon and it was a colleague of mine that I had spoken to earlier in the day.

“Deb, I just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling. When we spoke this morning, you didn’t sound too good and I was concerned.”

I said that I was fine, but really I was feeling totally wiped out! It was school holidays and I had been in bed for most of the weekend with a virus, but had woken up Monday morning, knowing that I needed to be up and ready to go. On top of this, my two-year-old daughter, Giaan, had woken up and I knew she had another chest infection coming on – the second within three weeks!

So, as you sometimes do, I raided the medicine cupboard that morning, took G to the doctor and got on with the day. When my colleague called the second time, I began to realise that I wasn’t actually feeling the best, but I knew I had a solid week booked with both family and business commitments. I couldn’t let anyone down!

As the evening wore on and I tried to concentrate on some work I needed to complete, I began to realise that Tuesday may in fact need to be a day of rest. But it was the second Tuesday of the month and I was was very much looking forward to this particular Tuesday. You see, I had spent the most part of the previous month re-designing my Business Building Blocks Membership and the first new and improved webinar was happening the next day, and I didn’t want to let anyone down.

Can you see what I was doing? I was so caught up on making sure that I didn’t let anyone down, that I realised by not canceling the webinar I actually would be letting everyone down. It took me most of the evening to come to the realisation that I needed to cancel the webinar and my other appointments for the day.

And that sometimes, Life Happens!

In relation to business, once I made the decision, I realised that I could do two things.

Firstly, I could beat myself up for canceling Tuesday and allow myself to sit in negative self-talk. This would probably of sounded like: “This is so unprofessional, what will my members think?” “Can’t believe that I canceled, really you’re not that sick.”; “What will my colleagues think?”. Etc, etc, etc.

Or

Secondly, I could acknowledge that Life Happens & I was not feeling the best, that my throat was sore and the level of concentration I needed for my members was not going to be there. That it was okay to cancel Tuesday, take care of myself, and my family. That I didn’t need to put this pressure on myself to be all things to all people.

I chose to do the later. I contacted all my members with an email letting them know what was happening, and then made a conscious decision to accept that life does happen and it is okay.

The reason I wanted to share this with you, is to let you know that there are those times when it is okay to let go and say “Life Happens". Be honest with what is happening for you right at that moment and know that those within your community will support you, as the members of my community did. It’s a great lesson that we can give others.

So the next time “Life Happens” for you, don’t go down the road of beating yourself up. Choose to acknowledge what is happening for you right now and ask yourself what you need to do to support YOU. Tweet